Sleep deprivation is a form torture

So last week, Ro's carer was ill for a good 4 days. We were not particularly keen to send him to another carer even though the option was offered. D preferred to stay home even though I offered to take the day off and stay home one of the days. (In hindsight I should have opted for another carer). So while D had the lovely time of bonding with Ro, he also managed to screw up Ro's sleep patterns by bringing him to our bed for naps with him. Of course who doesn't like the allure of a snuggling child and a daytime nap?
I should have twigged last thurs night when D placed ro in our bed to sleep before carrying him to his cot. We never did that before. And Friday night, Ro started protesting when he went to his cot. He woke again early morning and I unknowingly brought him to our bed.

Last Saturday was utter hell.

He simply refused to nap. But come night time. He refused to sleep in the cot all together. He was in his cot at 7pm. He called and cried and screamed till 9pm, when I went in to scold him for throwing his tantrums he eventually slept out of exhaustion. 1.30am -when I just crawled into bed, he woke. I tended to him, but he unleashed a demonic tirade of stubborn protests and pleads to sleep in our room. So much so, I had to leave the room. But his cries, especially at that time of the night, coupled with his tiredness just sounded so fowl and uncanny. When I did check on him concerned he was in pain or teething or did his potty..I encountered something other than Ro. I swear he was not my child the way he threw his tantrums. We got so angry with him we just had to leave the room. And the last I checked the clock it was 4am and I think I fell asleep out of sheer tiredness. I am not sure if he slept at all because when I awoke it was 645am and he was still calling and protesting.

Sunday - I felt so wretched and rocked him to sleep for his day nap. Come night it was the same ol crying. This time I thought I would do the controlled crying technique which worked when we returned from SG a few weeks ago. No. Instead everytime I went in, he screamed and cried harder. Tensions was blazing, and D stepped in trying his technique and basically it backfired on us. When he finally said he would be strict...Ro ended up vomiting.

Every day of the past week we have tried every possible idea we had. Out of sheer desperation I borrowed every toddler sleep technique books, and bought 2 I couldn't find in the library but was familiar with when I started sleep training Ro when he was 7 months old.

Tonight I have resolved to just let him cry it out. I've done it before. Even on Monday - but I didn't have the will and after 2.5 hours I went in to check if he really was not teething. So that backfired on me because it taught Ro then that I was going to come if cried long enough and hard enough.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I have shed tears this past week, had arguments with D, I have just been a shadow of myself, and feel utterly weak and demoralised. I barely even register myself in a conversation. And I have been having dizzy spells. Its so stressful I am beginning to resent Ro. I can't even seem interested in playing with him, or feel as happy as before when he discovers new things. I have to remember that I will overcome this. He will pull through..and just pray that I do not operate vehicles during this time!